7/24 Psikolojik Danışmanlık Merkezi
Randevu Tel: +90 505 767 58 85
                      +90 533 373 81 23

Don't Let Your Relationship Be A Nightmare

Don't let "The Lonely Man Syndrome" or "Fear of Attachment" become a nightmare in your relationships. Nowadays, people complain that their relationships don't last long. People who cannot communicate, who are afraid to communicate, naturally have difficulties in maintaining their relationships. In recent years, "Fear of Attachment" is popularly called "Desolate Man Syndrome". This naming may sound cool or even charismatic to some people, and there may be an erroneous perception. We can say that these people avoid taking responsibility for the relationship by saying, "I have the Solitary Man Syndrome, I can't connect to anyone." It is recorded by experts that they hide behind this idea after deception.

It should not be forgotten that if we are going to take the "Issız Adam movie" as a reference, the character in the movie could not be happy in the long term. As a society, we can generally evaluate what we see in movies without looking at the causes and consequences. Regarding the "Issız Adam" movie, I encountered many comments such as "the one who escapes is chased". However, the runaway is not always chased, and even if he is chased just for running away, “How can a relationship like this be run even if it starts?” one must think. Imagine if one party in a relationship is afraid to commit. This situation will bring unhappiness to both parties in the short run or the long run.”

 Although the fear of attachment can be in both men and women, we can emphasize that men generally behave like this by saying that they have a "Fear of Attachment". At this point, he said that the roles of men and women in society should be evaluated. Many women, who come across a man who has a fear of attachment, unfortunately get the wrong idea and try to solve the man's problem. He gets pretty worn out in this situation, and in the end he often feels worthless. I have written the answers to frequently asked questions and questions about attachment below.

What is fear of attachment?

Fear of attachment can be defined as the person's avoidance of attachment to the relationship and the other person due to some unconscious fears. These fears can be very diverse; The person may be afraid of being attached because of thoughts such as that he will be abandoned, that he will suffer, that he will not please the other person or that he is not worthy of them, that he will be interfered with in the relationship and that his freedom will be restricted.

What is the source of these fears?

If we look at the source of these fears, we see factors such as past experiences, modeling, the role of the media. A person who was not happy, abandoned, or damaged in a relationship with a person they were attached to in the past may fear attachment in the future. He or she may unconsciously avoid attachment, thinking that if he does, he will still suffer.

There are also cases where a negative experience has not occurred to the person, and the people around him/her have experienced such things or made such statements. The person may be afraid of attachment even because of something that did not happen to him. Also, examples presented in the media can be effective. In the media or serials, examples are frequently presented in which the person is abandoned by the person to whom he is attached, deceived, and damaged in different ways. It is undeniable that the media or movies, which are a great power in influencing people's ideas and tendencies in many fields, have an impact on people in this regard.

How can a person form a thought pattern in this situation?

It is not just about romantic relationships that the person is abandoned, hurt, and damaged in situations that he has been attached to in the past. The person may not have been accepted by a family member in the past, neglected, could not be attached in a healthy way, or lost the person to whom they were attached. As a result of such traumatic experiences, the person may develop an unhealthy way of thinking and act with the judgment that "if you get attached, you will lose, you will suffer, one day you will be abandoned, you will be alone, etc...".

Does the fear of attachment only apply to couples?

The fear of attachment is not only related to romantic relationships, but the area where it affects and harms the most is romantic relationships. The person's unconscious avoidance of attachment, sometimes acting in a way that distances the other party from himself, wears out the relationship and drags it into a dead end over time. The fact that the relationship shifts towards the negative and ends over time strengthens this belief of the person. In psychology, this is called "self-fulfilling prophecy." In other words, the person thinks that the relationship will hurt him in some way, that he will be abandoned, that he will not be loved, and unconsciously acts in a way that will bring the end of the relationship. Finally, when the relationship ends, he thinks “I knew it would be like this” and the idea that relationships will hurt becomes stronger. As this belief gets stronger, it is carried over to the next relationships and progresses like a vicious circle.

A person who avoids attachment for fear that his freedom will be restricted, on the other hand, considers many of the other party's behaviors as a threat to his freedom. They will perceive and react unhealthy, causing the relationship to wear out. Or, by staying away too much or not sharing many things in order to protect his freedom, he will cause the other party to ask more questions, wonder and get involved, and thus he will think that his freedom is restricted and he will not be able to maintain the relationship in a healthy way.

How to understand these people?

Fear of attachment can stem from many reasons. However, there is a point to be noted here. Sometimes people do not show the necessary attention to the other party by saying "I have a fear of attachment", and sometimes if they have cheated on the other person and this has emerged, they may hide behind this concept by saying "I have a fear of attachment, that's why I did it".

There are also those who see the fear of attachment as "cool", especially with the influence of the media. Whether or not these people actually have attachment fears, the fear of attachment justifies such situations. So the problem of attachment is not an excuse to cheat.

Is there a solution to this situation?

If the person thinks that he or she has a problem with attachment, he or she should seek support from a clinical psychologist and, if necessary, delay starting a romantic relationship until this problem is resolved. Otherwise, it may be inevitable that devastating consequences will arise for both himself and the people he is in a relationship with. If You or your partner is experiencing "Lonely Man Syndrome" or "Attachment Problem", call our Professional Help Line 05447243650. Always keep in mind, do not wear yourself or the person you are in a relationship with with sudden decisions by going over your nose.

Goodbye. Stay friendly. Be at peace with yourself and your loved ones.

Peace Inside, Peace in Relationships!